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REI Acknowledges Everyone Will Be on LowEndBox for Black Friday

Famed outdoor outfitter REI acknowledged today that the LowEndBox and LowEndTalk Black Friday juggernaut makes staffing their retail stores infeasible and announced they will be closed that day.

There is some pretty language about spending more time outside, but we all know what’s really driving this.

Some excerpts, with translations:

REI: “prioritizing the experience of our employees”
Translation: “Cell reception in some REI stores isn’t all that great and we don’t want our employees missing out on deals.”

REI: “an annual observance will serve as a yearly reminder of this commitment to doing the right thing”
Translation: “We know how critical low-priced virtual servers are to humanity and we want to make sure we mark the urgency of this market every year.”

REI: “While customers can still place an order on REI.com, order processing and fulfillment will not begin until the following day.”
Translation: “There’s no point trying to grab any Black Friday sales because everyone will just be hitting reload on LowEndBox and LowEndTalk that day.”

It’s all there if you read between the lines ūüėČ.¬† Welcome, REI employees!


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